margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
