two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
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