Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
