i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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