I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
