For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
