How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
