I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
