Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
