loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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