I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
