Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
