I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
