is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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