How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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