im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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