I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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