I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I wanna bring you to show and tell
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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