First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Randomize
