I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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