He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I lost the right to judge tonight
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
