people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
