And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
