i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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