Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
