never play flip cup with pint glasses
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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