So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
