Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
