Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
