In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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