This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
