Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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