ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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