the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
