If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
