If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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