Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
