i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize