his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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