ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Is her dick bigger than yours?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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