She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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