Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
