I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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