I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
