I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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