I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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