I never want to see another naked old woman again.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
