YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
