She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
