So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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