The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
