i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
this hospital has no fireball
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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