this boner is exhausting
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
