I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
