it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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