I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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