I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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