They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize