No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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