loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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