you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
