Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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