So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
