I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
