I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
