My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
