A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
