i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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