when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He's a Shit stain on my heart
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
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