I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
