Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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