Do you still have your period?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
