people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
